For Hannah Gadsby
Photo by Jorge Vasconez on Unsplash Sometimes I think I'm a whale. There is a lot of me. I'm not talking about physically. When I look through my old journal entries, to evaluate, to grow, to gauge, I see the phrase "I just feel like too much". I. Me. My being is too much. So I hide myself. I keep myself under the surface and only come up for a breath when I'm absolutely desperate and even then it's just a gulp before I slide under again. A gulp of sentimentality from a movie or a book or a long conversation with a friend that reminds me of the small breaks and cracks that cover my heart. But I gulp and slip under again because I'm a whale and I don't belong up on the surface with light and air and big open space for all my feelings and thoughts. I belong deep below. Where it can all mix in the ocean of unconscious. Where did this come from? I'm not totally certain and yet in some ways I can never forget that this has always been with me. Sitti...